Real Meanings to Songs To Supposedly Crap Songs

Sometimes these songs come out and you just think “these lyrics suck. What were they on when they wrote this? Oooooh, burn!”. But I think that you didn’t look into the lyrics well enough. If the song’s lyrics have you thinking “this doesn’t make sense”, then maybe you should’ve been inspecting the lyrics figuratively, not literally. Lucky the intelligent, funny, smart, clever and handsome Neonman is here to bring you examined and annotated lyrics of songs you thought were crap. Or, used to think were crap.

 

Avril Lavigne- Girlfriend- Written by Avril Lavigne

This song has been subject to popular hate among pseudo-music analysts/experts, claiming that its lyrics are plain stupid. Obviously they are if you prematurely examine the lyrics. Did you ever think to realise that perhaps Lavigne was superiorly poetic and you numb-nuts didn’t notice? As she proves in this song, she is and you didn’t. From first hearing of this song, the lyrics appear to be about the first person (Lavigne) thinking that a guy should ditch his girlfriend and opt for her instead. It sounds stupid, if you don’t take the actual context of the song in. The basis of the song is that a character doesn’t like the things another character does and suggests that he/she should change the way he/she takes to this actions. Though since the way Lavigne has worded these lyrics makes the first person character sound like they are forcefully suggesting, the character is apparently doing quite fine, but the first person character is suggesting that the character need decide to change his/her life to add change. The first person character is suggesting the evil temptations to the character. Avril Lavigne has been rumoured to be the devil on more than one occasion by many, so who better to act as the darkness itself than her. So we’ve now scrutinized that Avril Lavigne plays the devil in the song, and she is proposing evil misdeeds to a life-healthy person. I believe, after much analysing of the song’s lyrics, that these misdeeds could be anything (drugs, wacky sex, excessive violence), but the main misdeed Lavigne has presented through the song is lack of commitment and divorce. I think so because it is quite evident through the lyric “in a second you’ll be wrapped around my finger”, which is symbolic for marital rings. The connotations between girlfriends and wives are also a clue. Lavigne spends the whole song teasing and tempting the poor character to be part of her side, trying to lure him/her to act anti-ethically in benefit so he/she can enjoy the pleasures of the dark side.

I think it is extremely clever that Lavigne has marketed this song towards teenagers. She has given them something to ponder on and if the rate of divorces decreases, I think we only have one person to thank. Although it’s not going to happen since teenagers among who listen to this song think of it as a happy go-getting song. It sickens me when I see them dancing to it or miming it, presenting it in a positive light. They don’t understand the subtle darkness behind the song and cannot unravel for themselves the real beauty and important meaning behind the song. It’s a shame. This talented artist is trying to help these teenagers with their up-coming problems with love and relationships, yet these teenagers are refusing the real meaning and instead replacing it with a vague, lifeless one that does not grant them any help and on the contrary, will most likely fuck themselves in later life, now because of their misinterpretation, they think it’s okay to be persuaded to be unfaithful. The shitwads get what hey deserve. The song not only applies to these sorts of relationships, but others as well. The song could be relating to drugs, money, sex, any sort of evil stimulation that Satan (Avril Lavigne) is trying to persuade to the audience.

 

Kelis- Milkshake- Written by Pharrell Williams, Chad Hugo

Since Kelis had nothing to do with the actual song-writing, we’ll award the proverbial crown to the two master-minds of lyric-making; the amazing, talented Pharrell Williams, and marvellous, gifted Chad Hugo. These two fine men have finely crafted one of the best song lyrics of all time with Milkshake. At first, the song sounds demeaning and negatively flirtatious, though only to the untrained, unintelligent brain. No-one in their right mind would buy a song glorifying such degrading values and beliefs. That’s why this song sold squillions of copies, has been used in so much media and gained much popularity because the lyrics address a serious issue through the use of clever proverbs, metaphors and other poetic techniques. The lyric’s actual meaning is related to the Cold War and it couldn’t be more evident. It must surely occur to everyone that by Milkshake, it actually means missiles and nuclear warfare. Here are the original lyrics for the chorus.

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard,

And they’re like

It’s better than yours,

Damn right it’s better than yours,

I can teach you,

But I have to charge.

Makes absolutely no god-damn sense. But if we replace the lyrics like so:

My missiles and nuclear warfare brings all the boys to the yard,

And they’re like

It’s better than yours,

Damn right it’s better than yours,

I can teach you,

But I have to charge.

Now it makes a shit-load more sense. “Bring all the boys to the yard” actually means gaining interest of the opposing side. This sort of explaining of boys is referenced a lot in the song. It’s sad, but true to have the “they’re like it’s better than yours”, which is referencing to when Russia began admitting they were in defeat, so the time setting of this song would revolve around the early 1980s. Kelis sings the “damn right, it’s better than yours” like capitalism knows they are better than communism. This is all followed up with “I can teach you, but I have to charge”, which suggests that Kelis is acting as the general of the Cold War, the leading force of capitalism. She is instructing one more attack on Russia so they will be brought down forever.

It may seem like a stretch how Williams and Hugo have related milkshakes to nuclear warfare, but it does make more sense. This bridge to connect the two can be made because nuclear warfare is as American as milkshakes. And there are only two things evil, underground American scientists from the 1980s are interested in; nuclear warfare and women’s boobies.

Hats off to Williams and Hugo for scribing one of the most poetically intellectual lyrics referencing the Cold War and using it to perhaps educate its target audience (adolescents, horny men). This is most handy because it is this cleverly perceive target audience that will one day sit in the war room and ponder global decisions. If they are to have Milkshake as some sort of profoundly written synopsis of previous mistakes, maybe they won’t be made again. All thanks to Pharrell Williams and Chad Hugo, who deserve every medal there is.

 

Justin Timberlake- Sexyback- Written by Justin Timberlake, Timothy Mosley, Nate Hills

What I find strange is that although paedophilia is a popular topic among teenagers, songs targeted to them never seem to revolve around the particular issue. That was so, until now. Justin Timberlake returned to the music mainstream (solo) a second time and I wasn’t interested until I heard his first single of his second album, titled Sexyback. Upon first hearing it, I knew straight away that the song was about paedophilia. If you lack basic comprehension skills and still don’t understand how Sexyback can be linked to child molestation, then allow me, you dumbasses. The lyrics to who they are presented to suggest that the person is underage and does not state they are of over 18 years. This is most obvious in the lyrics examples “go ahead child”, “dirty babe” and “come here girl”. To elaborate on this more, Timberlake comments on how other men don’t have the same sexual preferences he does (“them other boys don’t know how to act”). Timberlake furthers this by suggesting that non-paedophilic men (and women?) should also take part in child molestation because it is easier and more guaranteed for sexual pleasure (“them other fuckers don’t know how to act”). 

Although Timberlake sings most of the lyrics, it’s Timberland that backs them up with ad-libs. It’s as if Timberlake is raping the young children and Timberland is watching with excitement, possibly even video-taping it all.

If you disagree with me, then I leave you with this final suggestion that the song is indeed about paedophilia. Justin Timberlake has been compared to Michael Jackson and Timberlake has noted he is influenced by Jackson, in terms of music style, lyrics and dancing. Whilst Jackson never wrote any songs about paedophilia (or are all his songs about paedophilia?) he was convicted about two years ago under the crime. I’m supposing this is Timberlake’s tribute to his hero and influence. Let’s hope it only goes this far.

 

Now, thanks to me, you have a better understanding of songs. When you thought they were about girlfriends, titties or lust, they were actually about divorce, the Cold War, or paedophilia. If you will, you can spread my intellectual dissections word-by-word to your peers, pretending that you are able to analyse such complex lyrics (note: you’ll get chicks!!). Not they are, but to the mainstream audience these songs are targeted to they are. Not only can people not perceive simple figurative songs, they then decide to take the literal meaning seriously. What would these clever song writers think about this?